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17. Oktober 2017

How I fooled myself using psychedelics

Don’t worry

This won’t be an „anti – psychedelics“ post. As someone who lived for 7 months in the peruvian rainforest, having had about 100 ceremonies of Ayahuasca, several experiences with Magic Mushrooms, Salvia Divinorum, San Pedro cactus (mescaline) and a LSD session with therapeutical assistance, would come off pretty weird as an „anti drug“ dude. But after all these years being part of the spiritual community, having met lots of people who work with psychedelics and having taken vast amounts myself, I came to several conclusions that I want to share with you.

 

Integration fails

What do you take a psychedelic for?

Maybe because you want to experience consciousness?
Maybe you want to solve a personal / psychologic problem?
Maybe you want to find out who / what you are?
Maybe you want to make your neighbours daughter want to fuck you and do black magic while you’re in a higher state?

 

There are so many reasons why people take psychedelics. And some of them „succeed“, some of them really get what they we’re looking for and that was it, case closed, no further psychedelic experience needed.

That was not me. I was looking for happiness, I wanted to become unstuck, finally be free, self – confident, have lots of friends and lots of sex. Every time I took a psychedelic, I felt the connection to my higher self, I felt like everything made sense, I was in the flow. But every time I came down, I was back to where I was before. I tried to escape from my commonplace reality that I didn’t like so much.

 

I didn’t manage to integrate the experience in my everyday life

So I took even more psychedelics. I thought „the more psychedelics I take, the more my brain will somehow learn to remain in that state“. Didn’t work. Basically, I was just an addict. This time, addicted to psychedelics for the sake of self developement. I fooled myself.

 

The daily practice of enlightenment

That was me a few years ago. Over the course of the last years I learned a critical thing: It’s not about the BIG experiences, the ones that go incredibly deep – mind blowing ceremonies and rituals that make you go half nuts and understand the entire universe, and then go back to your old life, sitting in your dark messed up room, jacking off to xhamster.

For me it’s the daily meditation. For me it’s the way I start my day. I wake up and meditate for about an hour. Usually I combine noticing my body and my breath with feeling grateful for everything I received so far and everything I will receive. It can be anything for you: yoga, meditation, tantric Sex (or the combination of the three), golfing, going for a walk or what so ever. Doing the things that bring joy into your life everyday, is 100 times more effective and more fun than trying to run after enlightenment by using drugs (or any other technique).

 

Are you even ready for this?

My experience with psychedelics is that they dig up shit that is hard to deal with. And it seems like processing it is pretty easy while you are on the psychedelic / still in the ceremony. But I remember that the time after a ceremony / session was usually pretty tough for me. Lot of shit came up when I didn’t expect it, sudden rushes of emotions hit me all out of nowhere.

 

There is a reason for this: You go deeper than you would naturally. You violently open doors that usually would still remain closed. Most of the times, there is a pretty good reason why certain doors are still closed. It’s because you may not be ready to see it and deal with it. This is why became super careful using psychedelics. It feels more harmonic to me solving shit up with techniques such as Somatic experiencing, Bioenergetics, Meditations, SAM (spontanious Animamotion) as taught by Abuna Semai (www.gottmensch.de) and so on.

 

The good side of psychedelics

Of course there are also good aspects to psychedelics. Psychedelics made me quit smoking weed after years of chronically being high, they made me get on the road of becoming who I truly am. They are responsible for all the work and all the effort I invested to unwrap the real self and live from that place of true authenticity. And that shit will never be over. Psychedelics can make you realise things you were never aware of. They might help you loosen up blockages. Just make sure you remain independent from them. Make sure you don’t overdo them and make sure you don’t use them as an escape.

 

It took me years to finally realize that. It’s not about getting somewhere. It’s about being cool with where you are now. You don’t have to be different. You don’t have to develope in order to become more happy. Just stop getting in the way of your own happiness by trying to become happy.

I hope, by reading this article, you might take a shortcut.

 

Good luck

Nikolai

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4 Kommentare

  1. Andreas Loh sagt:

    Thanks for this greatnd meaningful artikel which shows that you understood the essenz!
    All the best for you.

  2. branners sagt:

    I really enjoyed this, I agree on pretty much everything. I have done something similar and came to a somewhat similar conclusion. Unfortunately, I am now shit scared of Psychs as a result which is probably a good thing (I try to convince myself but doesn’t work most times ha ha).

  3. We are always equipped to deal with whatever happens to us in life. That is where an awakened state through meditation or chanting reaps immense rewards in life. I think that is the only thing I really disagree with you about. We are ready for this life. We are capable and perfect and need minor tweaks.

  4. cialis cost sagt:

    Regards. A good amount of write ups.

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